There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
