Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
