Yo dont text me then not text me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
