turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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