smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
