I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
