I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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