Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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