The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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