Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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