I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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