no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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