It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
