Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
