I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
