guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
