i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
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It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
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What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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