I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
