I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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