Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize