thus making me awesome and them whores
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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