tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
