I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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