Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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