we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
