Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
