whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
