If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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