I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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