Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize