He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
