I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
