I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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