"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
