we're blogging at a bar
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
