So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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