Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.