Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.