I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.