when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF