a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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