we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
