And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
