how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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