That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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