You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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