apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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