Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
