i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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