there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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