So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
