Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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