guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
