based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
