Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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