True but thats because hes a fetus.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
