Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
