oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
