Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize