M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
