Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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