well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
