What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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