Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
