In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
