Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
