i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
