she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
