my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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