It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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