Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He told me they were just razor bumps!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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