Sponge bath it is.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
